Dear Google Plus: You Don’t Understand Me

Editor’s note: Google VP of Product Bradley Horowitz announced on Sunday that he is excited to be running Google’s Photos and Streams products, but makes no specific mention of the future of Google Plus itself. Reading between the lines, many interpreted it as the beginning of the end of the social network we all love to hate.

Dear Google Plus,

The last few years have been interesting. We’ve held hands, walked the beaches of the world, dined by candlelight, danced until we couldn’t stand. (I’ll always giggle a little when I remember learning you get frisky when you drink rum.)

But our relationship has to come to an end. You just don’t ‘get’ me.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m thankful for you. You send lots of friends my way. You’ve helped expand my horizons, my audiences and even convinced all the SEO dorks to like me even though they thought I was lame once upon a time.

You’ve persuaded my friends to use more pictures and videos which makes my experience with them online much better for everyone.

You even distracted Brogan and Kawasaki for a few months. Those two can be so obnoxious.

But in the end, and this is the end, I need to be challenged in a relationship. You didn’t really bring anything new to the table for me. Let’s just put it this way: If the most interesting thing you can do is turn a list into a circle, well, I just don’t feel intrigued.

It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just more free-spirited, lively and versatile. You like charts and graphs and numbers and code. I like kittens and double rainbows and Rick Astley. This relationship was doomed from the beginning, back when you went by that silly Russian name. I thought the relationship would get better, but it’s just the same old, same old.

Please! Keep the pictures. Remember me fondly. But stop trying to be something you’re not. I love you for your mind, not your personality. You should really think about that before you dive into another relationship.

We have our memories. I do respect you. But the song is over. Goodbye, my sweet friend.


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